Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Messengers

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping'
The moon tells me a secret, my confidant
As full and bright as I am, this light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me

It's source is bright and endless, she resuscitates the hopeless
Without her we are lifeless satellites drifting

Today, I have a need to write my heart on these virtual pages, open that window little more.
This is my love letter to inspiration and people who deliver it.

I get visited by moments, where upon seeing, reading or hearing something beautiful, I feel my own life somehow connected in this quilt of overwhelming emotion and expression.

From music, paintings, books or little flower growing in pavement crack. Beautiful wrinkled hands of a smiling stranger, their eyes filled with knowing kindness and gray streets of the city that embraced me as its true daughter, offering peace to restless heart.
That gets me jolted from everyday trance and bustle of endless aspirations. I stop and I can feel warm tears flowing down my cheeks. I cry from beauty.
I get filled with this strange happy sadness and realization that I am surrounded by complex minds and fingers of individuals. The messengers.

They paint, compose, think, build and weave their own letters to universe, reaching me on its journey.
They are reminding me I am alive, leaving me breathless. I am reminded of my own flawed humanity, telling me to never forget.

I see my mother’s soft hands lift me up to the world. With her kisses building an armor to protect me from harm, preparing me to survive most painful blows, for I am loved. Wide eyed child, smelling of promise.

I see my teenage self, dreaming of first crush and wondering what will become of me, will I make difference in the world, will I be loved?
I see the deepest depths of my despair and loss. I still smell fragrant pale flowers that grew out of moist earth of my darkest hours.
I still carry the loss and communicate with ghosts that follow me.
I see faces of lost ones in the smiles of dolphins, and I love them, still.
I feel their life force seeping through my fingers, into everything I am and everything I create.I did not forget.
I see warm understanding eyes of my lover, his soothing voice coating every nick with the balm of endless patience and quiet constant.I see home in his eyes.

I see faces of my friends, my lovers and my family; ones still here, as well as passengers who stopped for brief moment to teach me a lesson, to add another stone to mosaic of my life.  They inspired me, challenged me, hurt me, loved me, misunderstood me, were misunderstood by me, and loved by me. They made me.

I am the clay, shaped with their loving hands and  nicked and bruised by life experiences. That makes my statue complete, with all its flaws.

As life flashes before my eyes, when I hear beautiful song, when I get moved by a painting, or inspired to create something.  I know that I am leaving  trace of me, every time I stop to hear, see, and take in beauty around me. I carve my life experience by being present.

So my friends, when life gets crazy, stop. Turn around and you will see thousands of messages, created by people just like you and I.  Their life, described through so many ways of self-expression paint their loss, love and their beautiful minds. It is a reminder that you are not alone, that most beautiful flowers grow in darkest places. You are not alone.  I know…..I am loved.
So are you.

Friday, November 5, 2010

15 Most used products in my kit

I have so many beloved products in my kit. Palettes and boxes filled with magic potions and fun colors.
We are all creatures of habit and somehow I find myself reaching for certain products all the time, so I wanted to share my kit staples that with you guys.
Please forgive wear and tear and unpolished imagery. These are ACTUAL products from my kit, shot with my Iphone. They appear in no particular order, I like them all!

 1. BATHINA body balm by BENEFIT
Ok guys, if this was edible, I would spread it like butter on my morning toast EVERY DAY!!!
I use this by gallons it seems. It gives skin most beautiful glow and not to mention it smells heavenly.
Models often say they feel like they are somewhere near sea, when I apply Bathina on their skin.
2. AIRFLASH foundation by DIOR
When I got these from Dior, I was little skeptical, since most of these "gimmicky" airbrush foundations don't work.
They spray all over the place or their nozzle gets clogged very fast. Let me tell you, this stuff WORKS and it works beautifully.
Psssssst and whole face is covered, in seconds. Coverage is on the heavier side, so I use it when I really need very even, canvas like skin. I use sponge to ad finishing touch (especially around eyes). It works wonders in covering tan lines and body make up in general. Life and time saver!
3. HD Powder by MAKE UP FOR EVER
I am not fan of powder, I find it cakes on skin very fast, especially in more humid environment.
MUFE solved my dilemma with this finely milled powder that is always on its best behavior. I wait till last minute to finish skin with HD and can keep blotting it on the skin with large brush, without worry it will turn model into scaly lizard.

4. MATTE lipsticks by ILLAMASQUA

When I first discovered Illamasqua, I thought I died and gone to (my goth) heaven. I love so many products from them, but their lipsticks are standout in their vibrant, creamy symphony.
I can't tell you enough how much joy I get in painting these on. I even personally wear their sassy red color called BOX (named after its creative director Alex Box, amazing make up artist).


Proper term for this product is Eau Fraiche Douceur, but I like to call it Rose Water. As the name implies, it is very gentle make up remover.
It reminds me of very hard to find, and expensive in US, Bioderma cleansing water (models are addicted to it).
This is great alternative to Bioderma, it is as gentle and pure. Like thousands of gentle kisses wiping your make up off (ok that was corny, but could not help it).

6. Lipglass by MAC
There is no denying it. The shiniest, craziest, gooiest gloss of them all, I use it so much, I think I need to subscribe to instant refiles.
If I was to be sent to an island and told  to pack essentials, I would pick these little guys.
I can do ANYTHING with pigments. Their vibrant saturated color gives me option to use it as eyeshadow, or mix it to create everything, from body paint to lip colors.Just like painting!

Kudos to OCC for creating most unique products on the market. I am yet to see such vibrant and dense lip product that virtually explodes with color and joyously spreads like paint on skin.
I do mean on skin too, I have used lip tar as body make up and to create interesting effect on face (they run slowly and deliciously, like slow performance art). Yum!

This is flirtatious, sweetest tint of them all. It bats its cute lashes right at you and are in love.
It gives cheeks softest flush from within, it is blue based pink and can be used on the lips for that soft bitten effect. Just make sure you blend it fast, not to stain the skin.

What I love about this bronzer the most is it's matte texture. It gives me beautiful contour color that I can finish of, if I like with something shimmery on to or leave it matte. I use it as contour all over the face, since it has nice neutral bronze hue.

11. VIRTUOSO lipgloss by SMASHBOX

Sadly, this product is not available any more, but I had to include it, since it is probably one gloss I reach out for the most.
It was part of Smasbox MUSE spring collection, it is a perfect sweet pink with fine golden undertones. I am yet to see face and skin tone that it does not flatter.
Pigment is dense and it spreads so beautifully and with incredible shine. When in doubt, this is the color I turn to, when I use last drop of it, my heart will break :(.

12. TEINT IDOLE matte foundation by LANCOME

Colors are so beautiful and fool proof. I mix them on my palette to achieve desired hue, their beautiful matte texture is why I favor them above all sheerer foundations.
You can still build coverage, but there is no fear in losing skin texture. It creates perfect cover without any distracting reflections, thus giving me control in introducing shine to skin "my own way" (hmmm Frank Sinatra is playing in my head for some reason).

13. CREAM eyeshadows by URBAN DECAY
OK, I alwasy say Urban Decay designs their packages with me in mind, all of those skulls and bones....the JOY!
I love putting these cream shadows by themselves or as primer to powder shadow on the lids. Colors are vibrant, shiny and they do not crease like some of the other cream shadows I have.


I use this Potion (I love the name, makes me sound like some great sorceress) after I have moisturized the skin, to ad that very light weight matte layer. It works beautifully.
I go between this primer and one of Benefit called Porefessional (how cute!) which gives me even matter look and can be used over foundation.

15. 24 hour cream by Embryolisse

This cream has many uses, it can be make up remover, after shave balm and is gentle enough to use on children.
My main purpose of this cream is as moisturizer. When it comes to moisturizers, simple is better, especially on shoots.
This cream respects your natural PH balance and is least likely to give model any reaction. More complex face cream is, more possibility of allergic reaction, and that will not do on my watch. No sir!!!

So there is. I have more products and tools to share with you guys and I will keep you updated on new finds as well.
I have recently received some new spring collections and  products in the mail, and I am eager to try them out, so stayed tuned.  But for now, these are my faithful companions! Thanks for reading!